Unapologetic

November 2020

When I first learned the English word “unapologetic”, it came off as extremely negative. Why would a person not apologize? That is so rude! In reality, I learned that this word is not entirely negative all the time and in positive contexts, it could mean things like “confidence” or “fearlessness”. I interpreted that unapologetic people don’t apologize not because they are rude but because they are not regretful about themselves or their actions.

In South Korea, I had to apologize for many things. Most of my work emails started with an apology. I was once even advised “not to walk confidently” by my older colleagues so I apologized for how I walked. When I spoke up about my opinion, some elderly people said “how dare you little girl speak to me like that”, so I apologized again.

On the other hand, I cannot survive in New York without presenting myself in a good light. Whenever I go to career coaching sessions, I have to practice giving an “elevator pitch”. A pitch should comprise relevant experiences and accomplishments, advocating oneself, or “bragging” that s/he is the best fit for a job. I practice giving my pitch with a slight smile, open posture, and a strong voice. Yet, I am still a bit embarrassed and uncomfortable giving my pitch because I have been taught to withhold my accomplishments and suppress my personality my whole life; unlearning and relearning processes truly is a struggle.

I promised myself that I will continue to write about what I have to say and will not hide who I am. I will keep walking confidently because that is genuinely how I walk. I have no plans to make apologies for who I am unless it is necessary.